I’ll Be Okay…

640px-Everything_will_be_okayAt work the other day, a co-worker asked me a question.  As innocent as it was, it made me think.  It was kind of a moment that took me by surprise.  The question was “Do you miss your boy still”?

I’ve made it no secret that my move was because of a devastating break-up.  After kicking and screaming, after job hunting and house hunting, after everything… it was time to move.  Ready or not, it was time.

Initially when I moved the children were gone and I was really overwhelmed by being alone.  Until my children came home I still spent more time at *J* house than my own.  Even when they came home, most of my group of days off we ALL spent the time at *J*.  But now that school has started again it really limits our time together.  We do still text a lot and there are still phone calls.  But visits just aren’t as easy with two lives going two different directions.  So, we remain friends. But that isn’t really where this is going.

Do I miss him and do I miss a boyfriend are two different questions.  With somewhat complicated answers.

Plain and simple… Yes, I miss *J*.  I miss him a lot.  But I am thankful we remain friends.  Even though there are challenges with remaining friends… I wouldn’t trade it.

Plain and simple… No, I don’t miss having a boyfriend.  I don’t think I’ve ever said that before.  It is a lot of work to make a relationship work.  Especially a new relationship.

Now, this is where the complicated part comes in…  I miss *J* being my boyfriend.  I miss working on problems together.  I miss knowing what to expect when we are working through problems.  I miss co-parenting (although we still co-parent).  But I am NOT ready to do the boyfriend thing again right now.  I’m focused on my work.  I’m focused on my kids.  I am focused on my house.  I can decorate however I want to, without worrying about other people’s opinions.  I can leave to go to shopping without worrying about another adult’s schedule.

I guess the aspect I really do miss is company.  But between visits with *J* and my children… I really do have company.  Just miss more adult interaction.  I’m learning to enjoy a life with my kids and my friends!  However, I know that I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.  Especially not to have company.

It was the first time… in a long time I realized I’m okay.  I’m still healing but I really will be okay!

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