My Facebook has been absolutely flooded with various wedding pictures. Beautiful wedding pictures. Happy couples… vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. Some in small courthouses, some in churches, and others in the outdoors. I am really happy for them all.
But there is a part of me that is sad. I know it sounds selfish. I am just in a rough spot. Kind of down and out. This time last year I was in a relationship with a guy I planned on marrying. I really thought my search was over. I thought I had found my happily ever after. Then it was over… all the dreams and discussions that had happened… they were just over. Lost. Just like that.
I’m still picking up the pieces. Still working on healing. It has been quiet awhile and I still haven’t healed all the way just yet. Some parts I have gotten easier while others I am still struggling with. Judge me if you will it it hasn’t been easy for me. For whatever reason.
I’m thankful for the friendship we currently have. But I still miss what was there. It kills me to still feel what I feel. But day by day I allow myself to heal. To allow a friendship to endure. To wait until I am ready to take any steps to move on, to be fair to everyone involved.
I know, based on the very raw emotion I have that I am not even close to “there” yet. Well, I’m not sure how close I am but it feels pretty far. I know I am not ready to put myself out there. I know I’m not ready to try… yet. Eventually… eventually I will be ready to grab onto another try at happily ever after.